Monday, January 25, 2010

Need Bifocals? Here's A Secret Sexy Alternative

It's official, I'm an old lady.
How do I know?  I have been losing my glasses.
Not just once in awhile throughout the week.
More like three times a day.

The hollering throughout the house goes something like this:

Does Anyone know where Mom's glasses are?
Can you help me find them?  BECAUSE I can't SEE them to find them?
Your Mother needs help!
AAARRRGH... Where is everyone?
Can't you see I'm disabled?

Becoming an old lady happened quite suddenly, and without my permission I might add.
In the past year my ability to focus up close through my glasses has disappeared.
No problem really, I read perfectly well without them.
Bifocal lenses?  Me? Don't be silly, I'm not an old lady.
I'll just take them off to... read a book, take a picture, take a nap, brush my teeth, make some tea,
and look in the mirror to check out my "squinty" wrinkles.

My glasses have feet.
I'm sure of it.

But this weekend I could no longer deny my old lady status.
No, I did not succumb to the dark side and order bifocal lenses,
instead I decided to try the more fashionable route, fashionable, at least in librarian circles

I bought a . . . chain.  A chain to keep my glasses close.
A funky, fun, beaded glass chain.

I am starting a new trend.
This chain is awesome. . . I am into chains.
Ha... old lady my foot!

This look is sexy, in that naughty old school marm sort of way.
I am happier than I have been in a very long time.
It has been three days, and I have not misplaced my glasses once.

My children once again answer me when I call.
My house is less messy, as I am now able to see it well enough to tidy, and best of all,
I think my "squinty" lines have already started to diminish.
Who knew this chain was the answer to so many of my life's frustrations?


If I could only find my keys.


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  1. This is so funny! My parents are going through this exact same thing right now! The best part is my Mom likes bling so she buys 10 at a time of blingy readers & places them all over her house & car - then we catch Dad constantly wearing them! It's too funny!

  2. haha~my Granny used to lose her glasses and they'd be perched atop her head. I only wish my eyesight was good enough to lose my glasses. Unfortunately I am dependant on them and can't see a thing without them, so they stay close by for sure!

    I think the chain is cute and your glasses are,too.

  3. us old ladies like to call them "progressives" instead of bifocals: )

  4. Wait until you pass on to the next step: head tilting. You can look straight ahead to use the top of the bifocal lens. However, if you are reading anything but material on your lap or desk, you have to tilt your head w-a-a-y back to read through the bottom bifocal. Then sometimes, you just need your close-up x-ray vision, so you push your glasses way down to the end of your nose, tilt your head down, and look over the tops . . . ah, yes. The head tilting. It will come next.


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