Thursday, June 21, 2012

Four Eyes...No Really

Middlest has been begging for contact lenses for over a year. When we finally inquired we were told she would have to wait until she was twelve. I managed to drag out the appointment for another six months. You see, I'm not keen on her starting so young.

After thinking it through though, I realized contacts had come a long way. There were Dailies which did not rely on proper cleaning, and I decided Middlest deserved a chance.

We contacted Costco and made an appointment for a contact fitting. The first pair Middlest tried were Dailies. But after wearing them for a week she found her right eye with the astigmatism wasn't comfortable. So back we went to see if there were any other options for her.

She explained to the technician how they were feeling and asked if she could try something else. Our technician Larissa, with her wonderful heavy Eastern European accent, said:

You veel vash your hands now pleeez very vell. 
And then try zee new contact lenseez. 
And vee veel see how zey feel.

As I discussed with the technician Larissa the pros and cons of the different contact lenses Middlest washed her hands and placed the new lenses in her eyes.

Immediately she said:  Oh my eyes are really blurry.  Like reeeally blurry.

Larissa told her to bleeenk her eyes.

Middlest did as she was told.

Larissa: Are zey steeel blurree?

Middlest:  Oh yeah, reeeeallly blurry.

Larissa: OK,  juust trry and bleenk them very fast for a longeeer time, and ve veel vait and see eef youra eyes adjust.

Middlest did as she was told.

I walked over and was surprised at how noticeably  big and grey the outline of the contact was. They just seemed so much bigger than the previous ones. So we sat and we waited.

Larissa:  Are zey steel blurree?

Middlest: Still blurry.

After a few minutes the technician asked if they were any better and Middlest replied no.

She finally told Middlest to sit in the chair so that she could look through her magnifier to see what might be the problem.

She had not sat down for more than a few seconds to look at Middlest's eyes when she dramatically pushed her chair away stating,

Larissa: Vell my deeear I now know vat zee probleeem eez.

Middlest and I both in chorus asked:  What?

Larissa: You are vearing two pairs of contacts in youra eyes. You fourgot to take youra Dailies out!

Middlest had washed her hands, and that was it.

I asked Larissa if this was a first?

She said Yes.  Yes eet vaz.

We all had a good laugh while Middlest extracted not one, not two, not three, but four contacts from her eyes.

So while Middlest is now free of her glasses, the term four eyes?

... has taken on a whole new meaning for us here at the Bungalow!


Jenny Matlock      

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  1. I didn't see that coming!
    And what was the answer? did the new ones work better?

  2. OH, that is funny! We found the solution that Costco was suggesting was causing discomfort, we switch solutions and so much better!
    From someone who has worn glasses her whole life I can so relate to her desire for wearing contacts!

  3. Omg! That is hilarious! So glad you all were able to laugh.

  4. Oh Dana...I love the accent!!

    Too, too funny!

  5. What a cute story, Dana! And you really got the accent down. I know your daughter is glad to be rid of her glasses.

  6. Yo only make that mistake with your first pair of lenses:)
    It always cracks me up when someone writes down the accent (I can hear them talk in my mind!) - yo did a good job of it!

  7. I can't imagine leaving your contacts on and not know it. but it makes a great story. thanks for sharing.

    hope you have a sweet day.

  8. bless her heart! Our nearly 30-year-old got contacts in 8th grade. I figured anyone who couldn't keep her room tidy wouldn't be able to manage contacts, but I was so wrong! She popped them in on the first go and blinked for joy.

  9. if she can do contacts, it's great. it's so liberating in lots of ways.

  10. Oh! That's funny! I've never been comfortable in contacts, and i've tried so many kinds... I hope you middlest has better luck now that she is only using one lens at a time. :)

  11. Great e post. That is one beautiful child there! And, if she can wear contacts she is one lucky girl. (when I tried, one fell out onto a mah jongh game I was playing and dried into a little shrivel before I noticed it. Bams, cracks and coins yes, shrivels, no - not in mah jongh!) It's been glasses since that night. - I love your expression 'middlest'.

  12. Hilarious! The accent make it all the more better! Your poor daughter though...having all those lenses in her eyes!

  13. Funny story, and I didn't guess what was coming.

    Glad she got things resolved. I got my first contacts at age 12 and loved them! Of course, those were the hard contact lenses back then, but I wore them until I hit 50 when my eyes became to dry for any kind of contact lens, even the soft and gas permeable ones.

    I do miss them because of the visual acuity and correction of the full visual field.


  14. LOL!!!! Oh good golly, this is one to remember!!! And now......hopefully these new ones are better??!!

  15. so funny! love the accent :-)

  16. Oh my goodness, that's hilarious!! Your Middlest is so pretty :)

  17. Oh my!
    I hope Middlest is again two eyes!
    great story!

  18. Oh very cool. I waited until I was 23 to get contacts so I didn't have to wear them at my wedding. I cannot imagine life without them now. Okay, maybe life without them would be awesome actually but I'm too chicken to fix my eyes with surgery.

    No idea why I'm blabbing on like this.


  19. Loved your writing in accent. Loved the story. How funny. We have lots of funny contact stories here. I miss mine. I cannot wear my contacts at night and have to clean them and put them in each day which is a little too much self-care for my stage of life. These days I'm lucky to keep my glasses clean. Someday...maybe...I'll get 'em back and look like my wedding photo again.

  20. I have a feeling this story will be told, retold and told again and become a part of family lore.

  21. Hello.
    LOLOLOL...bless! oh my goodness, this is just too funny! You're right..."four eyes" does take on new meaning. She's a lot braver than me. I have very sensitive eyes and cannot stand anything to be in my eyes. Wonderful post! Thabks for sharing.

    Emotions Of Poetry

  22. OMG! Dana! I'm laughing so hard here. I've done that exact same thing. Once long, long ago. It was with two pairs of polycon lenses (the hard ones) and it was wicked hard to get them out of my eyes!

    This excellent little link just made my day!

    I can smile in spite of the 114 degree temps on their way...which is no small feat!

    Total entertainment here!

    Thank you.


  23. Oh this makes me want to faint and gives me the heebie jeebies.

    I swear, with the oath of Scarlett O'Hara, I will go around blind before I put a thing on my eyeball.

    Washed hands or not.


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